My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
He has the fingertips of a God
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
