She is in my trunk
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
