Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
