I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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