saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I want to be your penis for a week.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
