i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
