walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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