Michael Bay diarrhea
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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