how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
