Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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