I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
