what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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