They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
