just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
