okay pat passed out under dana's car
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
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