My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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