it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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