I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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