tell your sister to shave her snatch
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
