Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
