When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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