Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
