My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
