margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
