wat bout pragnant strippers??
where does the pee come out of this thing
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
