okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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