Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
