Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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