so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
