What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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