so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
