hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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