i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How's work?
Spinning.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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