He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
