There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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