He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
