mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
