I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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