Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
