enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
