just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
this beer tastes like vomit already
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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