He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
