omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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