i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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