he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are a booty call, not a friend.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
