I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
