I cannot find my penis.
I cockslap morals
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
