It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
