Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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