Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
