im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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