i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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