ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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